Sickness and Understanding

My little girl is home from preschool again today. She has a cold. Nothing major, just the sniffles really. If it was Big Brother with the same symptoms, then I would have put a hanky in his pocket and sent him on his merry way.

Me Too is different, though. She had RSV as an infant, and she’s never really recovered. Her doctor has thrown around words like asthma and reactive airway disease, but there hasn’t been a definite diagnosis.

Basically when she catches the sniffles, her body overreacts. It settle into her chest. She’s fine during the day, but at night she coughs until she vomits. It’s pretty awful to watch, and there isn’t really anything you can do: Give her the medicine, hold her in a cradle position when the coughing episode starts, make sure she isn’t lying on her back so she doesn’t choke on the phlegm-filled vomit, keep her in bed next to me, wander in and out of a shallow sleep ever attentive to the sound of her breathing.

HRH is, um, less than supportive. It’s like he refuses to acknowledge what is going on. Every episode, and there are many every year, is blamed on me. When she coughs until she pukes at night, he wants to know what I fed her. While I’m holding her in an upright position and pulling her hair back while she vomits into a bowl, he wants to know whether or not I took her out that day. According to him, it’s my selfishness that is making her sick.

Needless to say, this is not conducive to a good marriage.

He never accompanies us to the doctor. He balks at my suggestions to take her to a specialist. I guess the sand his head is stuck in is warm and cozy. I imagine it is easier for him emotionally to blame me for her problems then to have to face the scary fact that There Is Nothing We Can Do.

My decision to keep her home from school today, honestly, has more to do with HRH than her actual condition. I don’t want to have to defend myself and the decisions I have to make every day, alone, to him.

I don’t know how people with children who have serious illnesses do it. Honestly I think the first thing I would do is file for divorce, because the stress of a sick child is enough without the stress of being blamed for it.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gaijinwife
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 09:47:07

    Marina is similar. What seems like just a slight cold during the day and then come night time and she lies down and things clog up and she coughs till she vomits. Blaming the mother is just bloody pointless. Must make it easier for them to deal with. Granny K is still trying to come up with something my sister must have done during her pregnancy with her eldest to obviously cause the spinal disorder her daughter got last year (14) and is having operated on in a couple of weeks. For the love of God woman. She didn’t get an S shape in her spine because her mum drank too many cups of cold water during her eight month of pregnancy. Just shoot me now.


  2. hamakkomommy
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 10:18:20

    Someone told me once that they think this comes from a distortion of Budhist thinking, that since your position in life now is based on things you did in a past life, then therefore all things that happen are based on something you did. Since kids are “innocent” then the Mother must be to blame. That’s not fair, is it? Would like to put hubby and Granny K in a room and see what kind of theories they come up with….


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