No Words….

What do you think your parenting “partner” is handling something wrong?

HRH has no qualms about tearing me a new one in front of the children. I hate that and have told him over and over again to save it for later, but I digress.

Today I had an issue with the way he was handling something. Actually he handles everything the same way, threats of spanking and then eventually spanking.

I’m one of those old fashioned crazy goats who thinks an occasional spanking is appropriate, but it’s not my method of choice and I didn’t think it served this particular crime, which was Me First being inattentive and forgetful.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m worried about him. I’ve tried to talk about this to HRH, but he isn’t willing to entertain the idea that Me First has any issues aside from laziness on his part and bad parenting on mine.

But I digress.

The drama this morning started when HRH gave the kids their Kodomo no Hi, Children’s Day, presents. I have no idea why he did that, since Children’s Day is on the 5th. I’d bought Sister’s, a toy cash register, but had let him choose Brother’s.

My bad.

HRH bought him a “vacuum robot” making kit. Brother has been obsessed with this little baby for some time now. But the “homemade” kit said right there on the box, “Science fun for adults.” Not the best present for a seven-year-old.

Of course he couldn’t build it by himself. Daddy had to help. After much nagging and gnashing of teeth, he finally agreed to. And then he remembered that Brother had lost the screwdriver.

Brother is obsessed with building stuff, and had taken the screwdriver out of the tool box several weeks ago, then promptly misplaced it. We looked for it for ages, to no avail. It must be off with the mismatched socks, in which case we will never locate it again.

I told hub when it happened, and he said he’d bought it at the hundred yen shop, so it was no big deal. It’s not like he was surprised or anything this morning when they didn’t have it. But all of the sudden he wants to spank Me First for it.

Dude, it was an accident. It was like FOUR weeks ago, the kid already feels bad.

I found a moment when the littlies weren’t listening to suggest to him that making Brother wait to finish the robot and making him buy a new screwdriver with his tooth fairy money would be a better punishment.

But he didn’t listen.

And perhaps worse than the actual spanking were the things he said to him beforehand. Something about dogs and animals can’t understand words so they have to learn by being hit, and since he has proven himself to be lazy and stupid like an animal he’ll have to learn the same way.

My god.

I just have no other words….


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. gaijinwife
    Apr 30, 2012 @ 19:10:46

    Thats horrible :( Shame on hub for being such a dipshit. Sorry, but thats really something dh. dipshit husband. Mine was out drinking all day on our anniversary but he had a child with him and is now putting the other two to bed, and it was me doing the spanking today. Those bloody bead things you put on a board and iron over. Grrrrrr. Should have just put them on a tray to begin with. But I digress too. Hope DS is OK :( Using his tooth fairy money to buy a new screw driver sounds like good lesson to me.
    Big hugs from us.
    PS – our BBQ bit came today. All rearing to go. You should come down sans hub for like a long weekend – or a whole week in fact. I’ll cook kiwi sausages and chops and you can cook something southern with potatoes or peas or whatever in it :)


  2. kym
    Apr 30, 2012 @ 20:32:51

    Your kids are lucky to have you! Would your mum-in-law tell her son off for OTT smacking and insults? Sorry if that’s in no way helpful…


  3. Casey's Mum
    May 04, 2012 @ 06:30:05

    Being a good parent, I guess, is not always instinct. Does Japan offer Parenting Classes like are abailable in the USA? Even if he would not participate, maybe if you attended, he would get intreested–or maybe they could offer some help on how to cope with such situations? It sounds like HRH just did not want to be bothered helping with building of the kit and punished his child.

    Best wishes to you and the children!.


  4. Beth
    May 04, 2012 @ 12:50:16

    Gnashing my teeth to powder… HRH getting angry at situation he created and taking it out on Me First – horrible.


  5. hamakkomommy
    May 04, 2012 @ 19:27:01

    Lots of Japanese folks parent like this, I think. My impression is that HRH’s parents were like this, too. The things they say to each other now are pretty shocking, that’s for sure. In a lot of ways this place is like America in the 1960s. Corporal punishment is the go-to for a lot of people, without much thought involved. (Though Japanese parents seem to prefer a smack on the head rather than the bottom.) Kids get yelled at and dressed down regularly. I just heard Nobita’s mom on Doraemon call him stupid, actually.

    But adults treat each other that way, too, especially in work or sports situations where there is hierarchy. I could never deal with it.

    Since this incident, I have noticed HRH adopting some of my methods, for better or for worse. I don’t think he’s really given it a lot of thought but is just copying what seems to work, though he must have told me ten times today that I’m too easy on the kids. I’m not- but I do make an effort to listen to them when they are upset rather than get up on my high horse. It’s a long fall from there, after all.

    God knows I lose my patience at least a hundred times a day and have no space to judge anyone else. I probably shouldn’t have written this post, but I was wondering how other people handle a situation when they disagree with the other parent.


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