Queenly Living

So it begins.

HRH is being a total dickhead, to me alone.

The past several days, he’s been on his phone or his computer all.night.long. I tried to talk to him once. He was extremely rude and told me I was bothering him while he was trying to work and to shut up.

Fine, whatever. I get that something was going down at work and he was busy. He didn’t want me to watch TV(too noisy,) so I started to read a book.

I have a tendency to start reading and get totally absorbed, but I was careful not to read during the day and not to stay up later than him so the light wouldn’t bother him.

Last night, I was reading on my Kindle as I put the kids to bed. After they fell asleep, I peeked into the other room where HRH was in front of his computer again. He’d been on any off the phone most of the day, so I assumed he was working and went back to my book. Around nine, I came out for a drink of water and noticed it wasn’t work he was doing; he was watching some video or something.

I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. “Too late,” he said. He said there was nothing on TV, but after a few minutes I found a show he usually likes to watch. I asked if he wanted to watch it together, but now he had put his headphones on and was ignoring me.


I watched TV for about an hour, told him goodnight, and went to bed.

This morning he sounded cheerful enough when he was talking to the kids, but was cold to me. One word answers, lots of eye rolling.

That he can turn his moodiness on and off like that makes me think it isn’t genuine. If I am tired or angry or whatever, then I feel short with everyone. I can’t just target one person. Maybe he has better self control, I don’t know, but to me it seems that he has decided to act angry and the whole thing is a farce.

When we were walking between stations this morning, I tried to talk to him. I pointed out that he was being pleasant to everyone else but rude to me. If he was angry or whatever, then let’s talk about it.

He yelled at me that he was stressed out and threatened to go home. The kids begged him to stay. He walked with us for a bit, but then stormed home.

I waited a bit, then sent him an email. He didn’t answer. After a couple of hours I tried to call, but he hung up on me. So

He has a habit of just disappearing for a day or whatever, leaving me to deal with the kids and his parents. Sometimes he comes home sulky and quiet. Sometimes he comes home angry, throwing things about, punching walls, threatening me with divorce and saying I’ll never see my kids again.

If he is late, I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be surprised. But locking him out will make it worse. In the past, I’ve asked his parents to let us stay over. And they refused.

I feel like it’s an impossible choice, and a ridiculous situation. This is 2013, not 1313, right? And I have grown weary. Weary of tip-toeing in my own house, living my life according to the winds of someone else’s mood. I haven’t raised my voice or argued with HRH in years. Why bother? He will always turn things around so that I am always wrong. And he won’t come around until he feels like it.

So I bide my time. I continue to do the things I must do, be pleasant, pretend that everything is fine, my Katherine of Aragon impression.

Long live the queen.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ruby Doom
    Aug 17, 2013 @ 16:29:36

    Wow. You are a better woman than I. HRH would’ve been given his marching orders by now. There is no excuse for that childish behaviour.


  2. Francesca
    Aug 17, 2013 @ 21:36:58

    After reading all this I am very surprised a couple of posts ago you were considering having another baby with this man.


  3. L. (formerly from Homesick Home)
    Aug 18, 2013 @ 23:17:31

    It’s tough.
    There must be something good in him, something that attracted you to him in the first place. Where did it go? Is it ever still there? Are these wretched times just a very bad patch, from which you might emerge someday?
    The “punching walls” part is alarming, if it ever goes farther and he punches you, instead — that would call for drastic, immediate action. His other behavior is immature and asinine, and calls for careful planning, about what you want to do next, if it continues.
    During bad times in my own marriage, I set up a secret bank account (even when I had next to no income — bit by bit), and having my “just in case” money helped me through the worst of it, I think. I had my Plan B (and C, and D, and even E). I ended up staying with my guy, but I think the marriage might have ended if I hadn’t gone back to work fulltime when I did. Who knows. Every marriage is different, and they all have an infinite number of “what if’s.”
    Step by step. You deal with the crap of the present, while taking baby steps toward your plans for the future.


  4. Adina Levi
    Aug 19, 2013 @ 02:17:59

    I’m so sad to hear all that has been going on for you for years. What he is doing is emotionally abusive. Sorry if it’s inappropriate of me to point it out, but I know that sometimes it is hard if not impossible to gain perspective on our everyday life. I don’t live in Japan but I do hope there are some options for you should you decide to make a change. Again, I’m really sorry if this is inappropriate or hurtful or annoying to you in any way.


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